AT THE HEART OF [GUN] VIOLENCE

When there are mass shootings and multiple deaths as recently happened in El Paso Texas and Dayton Ohio, the question arises about what causes it and what can be done to stop it. It’s a common conversation which is repeated it every time another mass shooting occurs. It is also a conversation that hardly ever seems to make a difference. Whether the shooting is in the US, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, Africa, or wherever in the world, the same arguments and the same “solutions” are appealed to again and again. Yet the tragedies continue.

If the issue was only about the means used to kill, wound, and create terror, we would also have to band cars, trucks, knifes, machettes, etc. Also it does makes perfect sense to have stricter and more meaningful background checks and Red Flag laws so the wrong people don’t get guns. I’m all for that. Yet as is often noted, such laws alone will not stop most of the mass shootings. People determined to kill will find a way, especially criminals. Beyond the external constraints we can construct, the laws we can pass, and the other external solutions— for the real solution we have to get to the heart of violence. So what is that?

In answering that, the temptation will be to think superficially. It is to think that watching violent movies and/or video-games “causes” violence. It is believing that extreme ideology is the cause, or that valuing gun ownership causes it. But such are not “causes.” How do I know that? Because the great majority of people who do such watching, believing, and valuing do not engage in any kind of violence. These are not the causes. They also probably have very little correlation to the problem.

For real answers we have to go deeper. Are you ready to go there? You may not like where I’m about to take you, but truth isn’t dependent upon liking the answer. To get to the answer of the causes and then of the solutions, consider the profile of the typical mass killer. It is usually a guy (males dominate this field). It is usually a loner and someone frustrated with his life situation (job, lover, money, etc.). It is also someone (obviously) with very little empathy or compassion for people. In a socially empty context, the loner gets little to no feedback from others— so no corrections to an attitude of dislike, hate, prejudice of who he blames for his problems. Oh yes, it is always a blamer. In that stark and empty social world “crazy” ideas grow and thrive and become putrid. But he doesn’t notice. As he gets used to those sick ideas, they seem familiar and even “normal.” Without the sunlight of reason there is no updating or correcting his attitude.

Then to this dangerous seething pot of anger, hate, and blame add a heavy dose of 24-hour news cycle which highlights every shooting, bombing, car crashing, disaster — and the miserable loner can easily get an idea in his head of glory, recognition, and self-validation so he writes a manifesto of the world’s evils, and goes off to be a martyr.

Now where would all of that pathology begin? Ah, in the home. In the person’s original upbringing or if not there, then in school and/or at work. Almost any unresolved trauma could set this off. Yet here’s where research in Developmental Psychology, and especially in Attachment Theory takes us. Attachment theory has identified the four basic patterns that develop between care-givers (parents) and children. One is healthy. Three are not. None of this is about blaming parents, in fact, when you read about the attachment patterns (below), you will notice that all of these are pretty “normal.” They are “normal” given the stresses and strains of everyday life in today’s world. And given that very few people take parenting serious enough to take a class or read a book, it is all the more “normal.” People generally assume that we will know what to do when they become parents. Then life hits.

Attachment patterns govern how well a parent bonds to a child so that the child attains a “secure sense of attachment to the caring parent.” Children need that in order to feel safe in the world, loved, cared for, soothed, and know how to regulate one’s own emotions. Without a secure sense of attachment to someone who cares, the child will do his best to try to adapt— which is what leads to the dysfunctional patterns. These categories come from Daniel Siegel’s work, The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (1999/ 2008) which he took from the original work of John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst and psychiatrist.

Secure attachment. A bonding pattern of love and support, parents giving compassion, patience, time, and most of all—personal presence. Parents able to “read” the infant’s signals, or respond empathetically. Avoidant attachment. A non-bonding pattern. Parents essentially not available emotionally or mentally. They are preoccupied, busy, stressed-out, dealing with their own issues, etc. Ambivalent attachment. An on-and-off bonding pattern. Parents sometimes available, sometimes not. They aim to be present, then something comes up, then they feel bad and become intrusive. The pattern repeats later and they again become dis-connected. Disorganized attachment. A dis-orienting non-bonding pattern. Parents themselves unstable and therefore frightening to the child. Children become afraid, even terrified of the parent’s drinking, abrupt mood changes, yelling, etc.

In the avoidant attachment pattern, the child avoids people. He (or she) becomes a loner. Latest statistics among Millennials is that a full 22% say that they have no friends, and 30% are not dating at all. In the ambivalent pattern, the child is full of anxiety and insecurity. And for the disorganized pattern, the child lacks a coherent mind that can make sense of things and adapt to it effectively.

When a person enters the world and he is not safe, does not have a secure sense of being and cannot make sense of things—that person is a dangerous person. We are made for unconditional love, care, compassion, empathy, meaning, play, significance, etc. and without it the world becomes dangerous, threatening, and anxiety producing. Yet we look for meaning ... even if it is in a riot of violence and pain— even if it means going out in a furry of anger and revenge.