BEWARE OF ENTITLEMENT

There are some people walking around on this planet who feel entitled to certain benefits. They operate from the assumption that God or government or family or maybe you owe them certain rights and goodies. To get an image of the entitled, think of a spoiled child who thinks that he is owed whatever he wants. “If I want something, I should have it. In fact, you owe it to me to provide it. If not you, then the government, the world, God.”

This makes obvious the psychological nature of entitlement— it is a childish, undeveloped, immature, and at its extreme—a toxic state of mind. The psychology of entitlement is that it is not a request, it is a demand. The person who claims to be entitled to something is making a demand for that thing. When the person looks at you and says that he is entitled, he is usually saying that you are obligated to provide what he wants.

“You owe me. I am not responsible to earn what I want, to take action to make it happen, I am automatically entitled to receive it. It is mine by heritage. Now provide it.”

The entitlement claim is a claim to a “right.” There are no requirements for it, it comes with the fact that I am who I am. This brings up the reasons that entitled people quote for why the world is obligated to give them what they want.

I am entitled because my family name is X. I am entitled because the color of my skin is X. I am entitled because of what happened 150 years ago to distant relatives.” I am entitled because I am special, unique, extraordinary. I am entitled because I have special handicaps.

Those who claim entitlement also have a belief about economics. In terms of Supply and Demand, the basis of modern economies, they have a simple creed: “I demand, you supply.” Now one thing entitled people never say that they are entitled to is to be a provider for others. You never hear them say, “I am entitled to provide justice, fairness, love, honesty, truth, etc. to those I live with.” Why not? Because that’s responsibility, the opposite of entitlement.

This highlights the contrast between the entitlement frame and the responsibility frame. If you start from the frame of responsibility— that you have the ability or power to make basic responses, then responsible entitlement means, “I am entitled to X or Y because I have met the conditions.” For example, “I am entitled to the trophy because I came in first in the race.” This entitlement is an entitlement based on merit. Hence, “As a mature grown up, I am entitled to serve, to give, to contribute, to learn, to create, to give value, etc.” Of course, that’s also the formula for success in the world as it is (not the socialist ideal as it never is).

As a human being, what are you entitled to? Are you entitled to breathe, eat, or sleep? Silly questions, are they not? Breathing, eating, sleeping are not entitlements but possibilities. They are potentials that require effort. What are you entitled to? Are you entitled to have friends? Wrong question. The right question is, Are you the kind of person who knows how to be a friend and to maintain friendship with someone? If you enter into the front door of an organization, are you thereby entitled to a job, to a salary, to an audience with the CEO? Again, wrong question. The real question is whether have earned the right to apply for a job there? Do you have the required knowledge and skills?

When it comes to the good things of life— we are not entitled to them. A great many of the good things of life require effort, learning, development, practice, discipline, etc. They are attained through merit. They do not come to us automatically. Even the most wonderful good things of life which are free are also not “free” in the sense that they require nothing of you. They do. To enjoy the beauty of a sunrise, of a blue sky, of a walk on the beach in the sunshine, the smile of a child, the laughter of children, the delight of learning a new insight— even these free things require much of you. They require mindfulness, effort, personal development, etc.

The entitlement frame is actually a pretty sick frame, one sure to make your thinking and emoting toxic. It makes you a whining child, a complaining discontent, a non-contributing member of society. It’s a great way to be miserable and spread your misery to others. When you feel entitled, you feel that the world owes you, which relieves you of your own responsibilities and that will greatly disempower you.

Now whatever it is that you demand of the world or of others, you focus on— security, happiness, money, job, recognition, fame, ease, comfort, approval, love, etc. If you feel entitled because you see that others have certain things— then you become jealous and envious in your entitlement. If you feel entitled because you have some ideal in your head like “fame and fortune,” that you are superior to others, special, and don’t have to live by the same rules as others, then you develop an anti-social and prejudicial attitude in your entitlement. Entitlement sickens those who adopt that as an attitude. It’s a great strategy for giving up your potentials, refusing to grow up, and becoming a burden on others.

Now some political theories and outlook banks on entitlement. They know that the more people feel entitled, the more they can promise. What they don’t say is that it takes a bigger and bigger government to provide all of the entitlements along with more regulations and more taxes. And if more government, then the more their political power. All of this is a way to sicken society. It goes against empowering people to take responsibility and run their own brains and lives— which is what NLP is about.