COACHING ATTITUDES

One of the less desirable jobs of leaders and managers, or anyone who works with other people, is dealing with their attitudes. A common complaint in lots of business and by lots of business managers concerns attitudes.

“Our employees don’t have the right attitude around here.” “Some of our people have got some really bad attitudes.” “Bill needs a swift kick in the attitude.”

Sometimes another person’s attitude seems like such a little thing, and yet it can significantly bother. Sometimes we let another’s attitude irritate us and annoy us. We stress out about it as we become obsessive about it, gossip about it, mock it, despise someone for an attitude, etc. How often does one person’s negative attitude set the tone at work and become the center of focus?

Sometimes the problem is our own attitude. Slowly but surely over the years we develop certain attitudes about certain things so that eventually what others would call an attitude, to us does not seem like an attitude at all. It’s just “the way things are.” “It’s just how I see things.” Then as we lose awareness of our own attitudes since we live from them and so don’t notice them or reflect upon them, they become invisible to us. So when someone says, “I don’t like your attitude,” we are taken back, “What attitude? What are you talking about?”

What do you do if you discover some unpleasant attitudes in someone you care about or in yourself? Can we coach attitudes? And if so, how do we do that? When Southwest Airlines started, the CEO simply avoided all of this. He decided that he would “hire attitude and train skills.” Since then, many companies have followed that lead. Finding it hard, difficult, or impossible to change someone’s attitude, hiring departments start with the attitudes that they want. Those are the people who get hired. Actually, that’s a really good idea. It saves companies a lot of time and trouble.

But suppose you already have employees who have some unpleasant, or worse yet, rotten attitudes. What then? What if you have employees or colleagues who have any of the following attitudes, how do you educate or coach them to change their attitude and develop a more positive and enhancing one?

Entitlement: Because I’m special, I’m entitled to special treatment and privileges. Approval-seeking: I need constant approval and recognition. Competitiveness: Business is all about competing, being your best, getting the biggest piece of the pie, winning over your opponents. Blaming: I never accept responsibility, that leads to painful consequences, always shift the blame to someone else. Pessimism/Negativism: This company sucks, there’s really no future for us. This job is boring

and pointless. Wokeness: I need to always tow the line and be politically correct. It’s terrible to step out of the mainline.

As an overall view of the change process, detection and awareness comes first. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. And sometimes, just sometimes, awareness per se is curative. Yet that awareness has to be a non-judgmental awareness, an understanding awareness, and an awareness that’s within the framework of wanting to be one’s best self. So first, become aware of the attitude. For yourself, get some feedback. This is where 360 feedback in organizations can powerfully initiate the search for any self-sabotaging attitude. For another person, invite an invitation for feedback. “Would you like some feedback?” Or ask, “I’m confused a bit, what would you say your attitude is right now? What would you call it?”

Next, identify the composition of the attitude. Know that it is made up of thoughts, feelings, physiology, postures, tones, facial expressions, etc., identify what you see and hear in sensory- based terms. A great tool for this is to get a video and audio recording of yourself or the other person. It is hard to deny what is recorded.

Shift the components around. As you alter the words, the cinematic features of the images and sounds that you play about something, the overall gestalt changes. “Keep that pessimistic attitude while you break into a big smile.” “Thinking about your work, say, ‘This is a glorious chance to improve myself’ while frowning and shaking your fist.”

Adjust the attitude using new components. Say to the person who claims to be cheerful, but is frowning, scolding, shaking her index finger, etc. “as you release the tension and lines in your forehead, tell me one thing you are cheerful about...” Say to the one with a depressive attitude, “Please repeat that but this time, stand up straight, raise your hands over your head as if doing a ‘Hallelujah!’”

Now practice until it becomes automatic. As every attitude is already an automatic pattern that’s been programmed in, you have to now repeat the changes until repetition makes it the new automatic program.