IF THERE’S A PROBLEM ... IT’S THE FRAME

For many years I had a “sprinkler man” by the name of Troy. I hired him to install a sprinkler system in the yards of some properties that I had. I also hired him for several years to turn the sprinkler systems on in the spring and then off in the late fall, that is to winterize them. Now Troy was in his mid-40s although he looked more as if he was in his late 50s or even 60s. Life had been hard for him— he dropped out of high school in the ninth grade, got into drugs and various forms of mischief, and for most of his life, he struggled just to keep his head above water, barely paying his bills.

Though he had very little education, Troy was smart and did have a degree of natural talent with mechanical things. He had learned how to fix things, how to work on cars and various machines and so when I met him I needed someone to work on my sprinkler systems and wanting to help him out, I hired him to do numerous things.

A few years back, he went through some heartbreaks in his personal life (got divorced), lost a lot of business, drank too much, spent some time in jail, etc. One day I called him to come and fix some broken pipes. He was really down that day, discouragement was carved on his face and I had never seen him like that. So I asked, “What’s going on? Why the long face?” We talked a bit, and by empathizing with him, he warmed up and then asked me something he had never asked in spite of years of working for me. “What do you do?”

Now I don’t think I have ever answered that question the same way twice. It’s as if I’m constantly trying to figure out what do I do? And how do I even talk about it? In that moment I said, “I empower people to live their highest meanings and take their performances to new levels of experience.” He then asked, “Oh, so you are a counselor?”

“No, no way! I am an empowerer of people so that they can unleash their potentials and live life more fully — fully alive and fully human.”

Of course, a lot of that was a tease, and Troy took it. “So how do you do that? I don’t understand, what do you mean an empowerer of people?” That was an opening and so I took it.

“I work with a special kind of psychology— a positive psychology about people that looks for their potentials and possibilities. This psychology starts from the idea that if there is a problem, the person is never the problem, the problem is the frames of mind or meanings that they give something. ... [pause] ... The person is never the problem, the frame is always the problem.”

Hearing that Troy seemed to relax. He took a deep breathe, seemed reflexive in thought, and then told me about being forced to counseling in the past, “but it never worked.”

“Hmmmm. And what didn’t work about it?”

He said that they kept telling him things to do “which I already knew. But they never told me ho to do any of those things. So it never worked.” After we talked a bit about frames, I got a copy of Winning the Inner Game and gave it to him. “Read this, I think it will help.”

Two days later the phone rang, it was Troy, “I’ve been reading your book and I have learned so much.” I asked about what he had learned. “I have been catching all kinds of frames in my mind that’s causing me to be down and discouraged.” I asked for specifics and he gave them and I congratulated him on his progress. A week later I met him at one of my rentals and he said he was up to Chapter 13 on “Covert Frames.” “Yesterday I started catching those sneaky frames that have been defeating me.” I asked, “Like what?”

“Like the idea that I have to tell people what they want to hear or they won’t give me work.” I then asked, “How is that a sneaky self-defeating frame for you?”

“Well, it makes me afraid to speak up to them and especially to tell the truth; it makes me lie to them and I know that even while I’m lying I’m aware that I’m just a liar. Now I see that I am lying to get people to like me and give me a chance, but it makes me life as a mess.” There was a long pause. I eventually said, “And?”

“I have been trying to change that frame to ‘People want the truth,’ just like you told me that you would prefer me to tell you when I can’t get to a job rather than tell you that I would and then not do it. And it is really strange, I think it is working!”

He was surprised that it was working. I asked him more about that and we had a really good talk. In fact, after that I never had the problem of him promising me to do something and him not coming through.

One of the great secrets to effective problem solving is realizing that “problems” do not actually exist. They are not external phenomenon. You can’t see one or hear one or smell one. You cannot weigh it. “Problems” do not exist in that realm. They exist in the mind— as an interpretation or meaning of something. That’s why the place to solve a problem is first in the mind. If there is a problem, the frame (of meaning) is the problem. That’s why clearly defining a problem solves 50 or more percent of problems! A problem clearly defined is half solved.

Troy began with the idea that “I need to please people and get their approval. Otherwise they will disapprove of me and be unhappy and then I’ll lose their business.” But that idea created problems for him. It led him to promising more than he could deliver on. So in over-promising he essentially lied to get business, to cover-up mistakes, to make up excuses, etc. All negative consequences of that idea. Negative symptoms. They are not the problem. The real problem was and is the frame.

The idea that solves all of those self-created problems is simply — “People want the truth even if they don’t like to hear it.” This idea as a frame of mind creates credibility and trust over time. solves the first problem.