IF YOU GET SERIOUS, YOU WILL GET STUPID!

I don’t remember when I first came up with those words. The first time I remember saying them was in one of our summer intensive trainings in Florida more than a decade ago. I remember that because as soon as I said, “If you get serious, you’ll get stupid!” someone in the group immediately asked, “Is that a new NLP presupposition?” And I said, “Yes, and it is a serious one!”

Typically we think of serious and playful as opposites. In Meta-States training I like using this contrast to illustrate the importance of the syntax of meta-stating. That is, if you seriously play or if you watch a game where people are seriously playing that’s very different from playfully serious. The second state, as the meta-state, that qualifies the first state sets the frames that govern the experience. That’s why seriously playing almost completely negates the “play” and changes the quality of the play.

By contrast, when we meta-state seriousness with play, the playfulness becomes the governing frame that textures the primary level activities. And what is seriousness? The dictionary defines the word serious and seriousness as “requiring much thought or work; thoughtful or subdued in appearance or manner; relating to a matter of importance; not joking or trifling, sober.”

When we are serious, we are focused and earnest as we give our attention to something with focused energy. When we are serious, we endow the object of our seriousness with a sense of importance; we consider it highly significant. This creates a powerful state for the serious person. It endows one with a persistence, determination, and dedication that allows a person to get things done. But when we over-do seriousness, we over-load what we are serious about with far too much meaning.

It is at that point that we get stupid. As we get serious, we simultaneously lose perspective. We lose perspective about other values and other things of importance so that the singularity of our focus makes us intolerant, impatient, and even aggressive. When we become over-serious, we become zealots and fanatics. We become rigidly dogmatic about our beliefs and deeply and sincerely and earnestly believe in our beliefs. And we believe that they are serious. We also forget that we are silly human beings, that we are fallible, that we get things wrong, that we make mistakes, that everything is not dependent upon us.

As seriousness increases, we lose perspective on more and more things. We lose perspective of time and so become impatient with ourselves and others. We lose perspective about other people and so become demanding of them. We lose perspective about what’s relevant and so get our priorities mixed up and confused. And we lose perspective of humor and playfulness. This is where seriousness becomes toxic and hurtful. When we get so lost inside of the serious engagement—we then can no longer step back and laugh at ourselves, at our silliness, a our humanness.

All of this explains why we get stupid as we get serious. As we get serious, our stress levels go up, we become intolerantly perfectionistic, driven, compulsive, angry, aggressive, demanding, zealous, dogmatic, etc. It is at such times we say (or others tell us) that we need to “lighten up” and get some perspective and enjoy life. It’s not that serious; after all none of us are going to get out of this things alive anyway!

The solution is humor. No wonder seriousness needs humor. Seriousness without humor is not only dangerous, it is toxic, sickening, and dangerous. That’s why seriousness needs humor in order to be humane and healthy. Humor reminds us that silliness is part and parcel of human nature. By nature we are silly creatures—you are by nature a silly creature. Do you know that? Do you accept that? As beings who are capable of humor—we able to recognize our incongruencies, of things out of place, to enjoy the imperfections of life, and to perceive the silliness of so much of our lives. And this is good. It keeps us sane, happy, and human.

The bottom line is a warning: seriousness is dangerous to your peace of mind, health, and the well-being of those around you. Seriousness can be utterly stultifying and suffocating. So, should we never be serious? No. That’s not the solution. The solution is to temper seriousness with humor; so be playfully serious. Let your earnest focused energy find your passion and fan your determination and persistence and do so with a fun-loving attitude. Bring to your dedication the playfulness of joy so that you keep perspective and release the demandingness of being perfect.

Finally, in olden times it was recognized that every king needed a court jester! Why? Simple, so that the king would not take himself too seriously, so that the king and the king’s court could laugh at themselves and thereby maintain their perspective. The same is true for us today. It is true for our politicians, CEOs, senior management, ministers, teachers, etc. Maybe we need a new profession— Humor Coaches. May you be playfully serious in all your endeavors!