“I’M ONLY GOING TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION”

There is a moment which typically occurs at the end of the 5 Minute Manager problem-solving conversation which comes to both the coach and the client as an eureka moment. In that moment everything comes together to a head, and often the person with the problem suddenly gets it— she sees either the problem or the solution! And because I love that moment, I tend to go for it with a client whenever I can. And the words that set off that moment? Yes—

“I’m only going to ask you one question, are you ready for it?”

Okay, technically by asking that question, I’m wrapping up with two questions. Yet that question is a priming question—a question getting the person ready for the question. It’s a question design to elicit a response potential in the client. This is actually the sixth question in the Problem-Probing Questions. It comes after the conversation has focused on honing in on the real problem, setting aside the other facets of a problem’s structure, and beginning to detail the troubled thinking at the heart of the matter.

It actually took me years to learn to ask this question and how to ask it. This was not my ‘go to question’ at all. In fact, for decades, once I could get to the troubled thinking that causes the problem, I was ready to tackle it directly. I was ready to either state it or reframe it! And after coming up with the Mind-Lines Model (1997), I had 7 directions for reframing and 26 reframing patterns I could use. I was more in the state of mind of pushing forward to the problem and the solution and directly getting to the answer. But generally, that’s a mistake.

“A mistake? How could not reframing or providing the person with a problem the answer be a good thing? Isn’t that your job?” And yes, for years, that’s exactly what I thought. My job was to give answers. I assumed I was to be the Answer Man! Then I learned better.

I learned that giving people answers was actually, and generally, an ineffective approach. After all, even though we all say we want answers, when people start telling us what to do, giving advice, informing us what we should, must, or need to do—there is in within almost everyone a tendency to resist. It seems to violate our autonomy. It seems to undermine our own self-determination. So even if the advice is sound, we don’t like to be told.

Instead, we like to discover answers for ourselves. Don’t you? I certainly do. And here’s the thing about finding your own answers—when you do, you are unlike to forget the answer and you’re far more likely to act on that answer. Discovering a solution to a problem makes the solution much more memorable. It is not just a final answer—you know the process by which you got to the answer. You have the whole package and not just the final passcode to enter. And since it is your answer, your solution—you will be far more committed to implement it.

Now given all of this, the sixth problem-probing question is designed so that you get the person with the problem to figure out the solution. How? By designing the right question that needs to be answered. After all, answers are responses to questions. So if the answer you want solves your problem, what is the question?

What is the question that you want answered?

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What is the question which, if you had the answer, you would know how to solve your problem?

This question interrupts the flow of the conversation. Just when the person thinks that we’re now at the revelation of the answer, you introduce this! It also interrupts the person from one way of thinking to another—from solution thinking to solution formatting. This reveals something else I’ve learned, namely, that when people jump to a solution too quickly—they stop thinking. That’s the problem with answers. Once you get an answer, the search is over. You stop your mental search—your thinking. The danger here is that you will settle for a mediocre solution and never push forward to a superior solution.

“What is the question you want answered?” also invites the person to put in a single sentence the real question driving for a solution. And that’s powerful. It creates focus and precision. It shapes one’s mind and way of thinking so that it unleashes all sorts of potentials. “I’m only going to ask you one question, are you ready for it?”