Let Frustration Be Your Teacher

While there are very few things that we humans can predict about the future because the future is unknown, there is one thing I can predict. So here’s my prediction. In the future, both the near future and the distant future— you will experience frustration.

Like death and taxes, this is an easy one to predict. It is built into human nature, human experience, and human psychology. Now just how much frustration you will experience—that’s an entirely different matter. So is how you handle the frustration—with grace and composure or with an inner rage and demandingness that reality change and be more agreeable with your plans.

Predicting that you and I will experience frustration is an easy one because whenever you set a goal, you set yourself up for frustration. So also whenever you let your wishes, wants, needs, and desires become conscious— you are preparing yourself for frustration. After all, frustration is simply an obstacle that you have to deal with to get what you want. In the NLP formula for success, after you identify what you want (set a goal), identify what you have to do to get what you want (the action steps of your strategy), you notice what results you get (feedback from your actions), and then adjust your skills, time-frame, criteria, etc. As we do that, we also ask the obstacle question, “What stops you?”

We ask this question in different ways, “What stop you?” or “What gets in your way?” Or “What problem do you need to solve?” In order to understand what is frustrating you on your pathway to your objective. Now comes the part I cannot predict. I cannot predict how you will respond to frustration.

If you hate frustration, are intolerant of frustration, refuse to accept the fact of frustration—then frustration will defeat you. If you hold a negative attitude about frustration thinking it is bad, thinking it is catastrophic, and “the end of the world,” then frustration will defeat you. If you respond to frustration by letting it wipe out your self-discipline, your persistence, your resilience, your passion for your goal, etc., then frustration will defeat you. Ah, so many ways in which frustration may defeat you!

The way to success is to let frustration be your teacher. Do you know what that means? I think it was Anthony Robbins who said, “The key to success is massive frustration.” He said that was one of the learnings he made from modeling a lot of people who were incredibly successful in going after their goals and making them real. How could that be? The most obvious answer is that the larger and more bold your goal, the more massive will be your frustration—there will be more things in the way that you have to handle and overcome.

For frustration to be your teacher, embrace it. “There will be frustration and it’s okay.” Now reframe it, “Frustration speaks about the size of my vision and my mission.” Next, by embracing it, figure out if the block, the obstacle, and/or the problem is inside you or outside in the world. If the block that you have to handle is outside, identify a winning strategy. Who has already learned to handle that particular problem? What did they do? What strategy did they develop? What distinctions can you make about the obstacle that will help you overcome it?

If the obstacle is inside you, what is the representation that you need to change, the belief you need to upgrade, the strategy for your own commitment, perseverance, resilience, etc. that you need to develop? What knowledge do you need to attain? What are the skills that you need to develop?

With frustration tolerance power you can transform frustration into persistence, into commitment, and into a visionary intention that will empower you. Then you can plow through the challenges, keep learning as you go, and flexibly adjust your strategies until the right ones bring you to achieving your goals.