NEURO-SEMANTIC THERAPY

How does Neuro-Semantic therapy work? At its heart, it works by changing meaning. If a person is not fully-functioning as a person, if the person lives in constant fear, anger, distress, upset, resentment, etc., if the person has become addicted to a substance, behavior, or concept, if the person’s very personality is becoming distorted from what’s within the norm of healthy behavior— these are but symptoms of a problem. The problem itself is located in the person’s meanings.

This is because what gets “hurt” that demands healing (“therapy”) are our mental models or maps that a person holds about the world. What “hurt” or violated is a person’s sense of meaning. When we experience a so-called “negative” emotion, it means that we are sensing that something is wrong, not-right, out-of-balance, unexpected, undesired, etc. in the way that we are making sense of the world. That “wrong” is wrong to our meanings—and that means our understandings, beliefs, knowledge, etc. In other words, what’s wrong lies in that the meanings we have created and that we want for ourselves and our life experience feels at risk or violated.

In Neuro-Semantics we have several descriptions of what an “emotion” is. One of these entails a picture of a set of scales weighing on one side, the person’s mental maps about the world and on the other side one’s sense and experience of the world. Balancing map and territory— our experience in the territory of the world either confirms or disconfirms our mental map about it. This leads to three possibilities: Balanced: If the scale is fairly balanced, then map and territory are pretty close and so there’s not much energy moving one way or the other. We’re getting what we expected. Tipping Down: If the scale tips downward on the territory side, then one’s experience in the world is not measuring up to our mental map. What we understood, believed, and expected is not or does not happen. Something is “wrong.” But what? Is it that we have an inaccurate map? Is it that we lack the sufficient skills to handle the world that we’re trying to navigate? Tipping Up: If the scale tips downward on the map side and upward on the territory side then our experience in the world is going beyond what we understood, believed, and expected. Whatever is going on, our maps are being validated and so things are going very right.

With this we can now offer one of three definitions of an emotion. An emotion is the difference between our map and our experience in the territory. “Negative” emotions tell us that overall, something is wrong, something is not right. “Positive” emotions tell us that overall, something is right. Emotions are relative experiences— relative to the relationship between map and territory. So whether a negative emotion is telling you to “stop, look, listen” and make some adjustment or whether a positive emotion is tell you to “keep going, it’s working,” our emotions operate as a basic go— no go system. Neurologically this shows up in our body in terms of our nerve impulses— some are excitatory (“go”) and some are inhibitory (“no go” stop, make a change, something is not right).

This is incredible! It means that every emotion is right. Whatever you are feeling emotionally and somatically, you should be feeling. What you feel is a function of your mental maps in relationship to the territory that you are attempting to navigate. The emotion itself is a symptom that provides you energy and motion (e-motion) and this generalized information of go— don’t go. Given that, we do our emotions damage when we fear them, forbid them, taboo them, and demonize them. That’s a sure way to mess them up.

This also means that what gets “hurt” in human nature is not our emotions. In spite of the way some people talk, its not our emotions that get “hurt” in trauma. The trauma emotions are just emotions— fear, dread, worried, hatred, stress, distress, sadness, etc. They say in a general way that something is not right— either one’s mental maps or one’s skill set and/or skill level for handling something.

So what gets hurt in trauma? Our mental maps. What gets hurt is your primary tool for handling reality and dealing with life, your understandings and interpretations. When that is damaged, then what can you use to move through the world? What can you rely on to know what to do, what to say, how to think about anything? Your understandings about yourself, others, life, the world, work, taking care of yourself, etc. is your only tool for navigating the territory. That’s why we all hate “being wrong.” Whether we’re wrong about some information or wrong about our expectations of something—being wrong is one of the most painful and distressful experiences possible for us humans.

And yet—because we are fallible, being wrong is a constant experience for us! It is inevitable. So what’s the solution? The answer is simple: Develop an appreciative acceptance of your fallibility and a passionate curiosity about being wrong. Develop a passionate joyful learning state so that you are continuously, minute-by-minute making corrections and adjustments to your mental maps.

When you have these meta-states, you can correct whatever you discover that’s wrong quickly and in the moment. Then you can keep updating your mental models of the world and the meanings within that you give to things. Then you can keep updating your coping mechanisms that you use to meet your needs. Then you can keep refining your responses, and response style, as you relate to others, find meaningful work, etc.