NON-THREATENING COLLABORATION

Here’s a fact that I simple did not considered when I co-wrote the book, Collaborative Leadership with Ian McDermott. I did not even think that for most people, and especially most leaders, that collaboration could be threatening. That idea just never crossed my mind. Being focused on all of the positive benefits of collaboration and being the natural collaborator, the idea that collaboration could be threatening just did not come up. Nor did it come up in the literature or in our modeling.

It was only recently when I was talking with some leaders did I became aware of this. That’s when it suddenly dawned on me, “They find collaboration threatening!” Afterwards I decided to test the hypothesis by asking various people: “What do you think. Do you find the idea of collaborating with others threatening?” The response was immediate, “Oh yes, of course.” I think that what amazed me even more than their answer was that the two persons I was talking with said it so matter-of-factly. They said it with a tone of incredulity, “How could you even ask such a question, of course there are threats to collaborating!”

At that point I needed more information. So trying to show no shock or surprise, I calmly asked, “What would you say are the threatening elements to collaboration?” “Lots of things,” one of them said. Then over the next twenty minutes, both of them detailed many of their fears: Loss of status, loss of control, loss of reputation, loss my distinctiveness, the risk of taking a chance on the other person not coming through on his responsibilities, the risk of failure, the risk of being judged on the basis of the other’s incompetence. The list went on and on from there.

Eventually I got it. That’s when I also connected it to a point that we made in the book, namely, To collaborate, you have to get your ego out of the way. The “ego” in the sense of our pride in ourselves, wanting things our way, and even demanding that we maintain complete control of a project— the ego in that sense can and does absolutely prevent good healthy collaboration. That’s why people who have not completed the human development tasks, and are still immature and still overly focused on themselves, are not truly able to enter into a collaborative partnership.

From the Neuro-Semantic perspective, this is the place where we distinguish self-esteem from self-confidence. Your confidence in what you do is about your actions, behaviors, and performance. It is not about your value as a person. It is not about you having worth. It is about skills and competence. It is the person who confuses his sense of value and worth with what he does who gets his “ego” in the way. It is that confusion that causes him to be afraid — afraid that he will lose his value, his position, his esteem, etc.

Significantly, when you separate who you are as a person, your being from your doing, then there’s no threat in collaborating with others. You are not living in a zero-sum game world where the other’s “value” takes anything away from you. In fact, healthy collaborating results in the very opposite. With your person and being a given and unconditional— you are free to collaborate and every success of your partners adds to you and enriches you.

Unlike competition, collaboration does not involve pitting one person against another. Instead in collaboration you add your uniqueness to the others. In doing so, everyone is enriched. Everyone wins. It is in this way that collaboration, as a win–win arrangement, supports everyone as a partner in the enterprise.

Is collaboration threatening? Is it dangerous? Yes to the insecure, the distrusting, and to the overly-competitive. Can that threat be ameliorated? Yes. How? By becoming secure in yourself with unconditional self-esteem and by completing your developmental tasks. Do that and you will be increasingly able to collaborate in healthy and productive ways.