SUCCESS AT THE HIGHEST LEVELS

Several years ago we began selling some T-shirts at Trainings read: “Meta-States — We do it at higher levels.” Recently I began wondering about what specifically is success at the highest levels? What is meta-success? And, of course, the answer is obvious. It is satisfying the higher needs and impulses that the chest of every human being— the needs that distinguish us as human beings above and beyond our animal needs. And even above the social and self-regard needs as I noted in the last Reflection.

Yet at this level there are so many paradoxes. Perhaps the most profound paradox is that in self- actualization as in the genius state of being “in the zone,” success involves getting beyond the self so that we have a sense of self-forgetfulness. It is as if in becoming so completely engaged in something, our sense of self goes away as does our sense of time, others, the world, etc. This “oceanic” feeling has been described by philosophers, saints, theologians, and psychologists over the years. It is a sense of merging-with-the-object of our engagement. It is a sense of becoming one with that engagement. It is a sense of being lost in the experience.

The paradox is that this is not the loss of self at all. That’s because it takes a strong sense of self to let go. As it takes a lot of self-esteem to be humble and modest, so it takes a solid and strong sense of self to give of oneself to the engagement and to others. Insecure people cannot do that. It’s too frightening. They are too concerned about themselves.

And people who develop some kind of a belief that they should get rid of their ego are, of course, focused on themselves and getting rid of their ego! They are always checking on their sense of self to see if they have that sense and as they do, they notice themselves, which they then read as having their ego in the way! What’s in their way is their ego-investment in the belief that they should not have their ego in the way. The belief itself is the problem. There’s no solution to trying to get the ego out of the way by focusing on one’s ego to get it out of the way.

The solution is counter-intuitive. It is to become so centered and secure in oneself, that one can turn and give oneself completely to some significant engagement that adds value to others and in that engagement, one simply forgets oneself. Self-forgetfulness is the key. And doing that is not turning inward and worrying about one’s sense of self or ego; it is turning outward to making a contribution from your strengths, resources, gifts, and uniqueness.

We often experience self-forgetfulness when we get go to the movies and get caught up in some great movie. It occurs when we are engaged in an intense conversation with someone. It occurs when we are passionately involved in a match or game or a contest or an activity that demands all of our mind and emotions. It can happen when we read, when we run a race, when we make a presentation, when we are coaching.

Success at the highest levels involves this kind of self-forgetfulness or perhaps I should say that when you are fully engaged in giving yourself to something (performance) that’s important to you (meaning), that contributes value (meaning) from your unique skills (performance), then you step into a state where you are synergizing a competence that is challenging to you. That puts you in the “flow” zone of self-actualization.

Maslow called this kind of success at the highest levels as “peak experiences” and, of course, if you do that regularly and consistently with something that’s you have lots of talent for, you’ll then move your delivery so that you have “peak performances.” Peak experiences are moments when you are all there, when you are at your best, when you have all your resources available, when you are pushing your own limits, and when you feel one-with the activity that you’re engaged in.

Most of us experience such moments of peak experiences as something “spiritual,” something above and beyond our mere minds-and-emotions, our bodies and kinesthetic sensations. It feels beyond that. As a gestalt, it seems to be the sense of transcending our mind-and-emotions and experiencing ourselves at a higher level. What this is we do not really know.

My postulation about this is that it is the self-reflexive consciousness at work. That is, when we look back on the total engagement experience (the peak experience) and we noticed the self- forgetfulness, we have a sense of transcending our mind-body-emotion system and not having any words for this state, we call it our spirit.