THE INNER POWER OF “BOUNCE”

Resilience is about bounce. It is about bouncing back from a set-back. I seem to remember a scene from one of the Rocky Movies where after being knocked down for ten rounds and where he used his face to block his opponent’s blows (!), all of a sudden “Rocky” tapped into his inner source of resilience so that he bounced back triumphantly after the knocked down. In fact, he got up so quickly and with so much energy that it looked as if he was literally bouncing— bouncing and suddenly up on his feet, and ready to take on his opponent.

Life also has a way of knocking us down. So many things can go wrong. And why not? We are fallible beings so we make mistakes and sometimes they are serious enough that we take a fall. We also live in a world that is unstable with many things that can go wrong— as “natural disasters” can occur and set us back: tornados, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, fire, etc. Then there is the fact that we live in a world where people do hurtful things to each other: thefts, robbery, being molested, raped, wounded, killed, tortured, war, bombs, etc. Then there is our mortality— we are mortal beings and so we can get knocked down with various health problems and challenges.

With all of that, any one of us can experience a set-back or a knock-down at just about any time. There’s no guarantee against this. Nor can you buy insurance to prevent it. Things happen. While you cannot control what happens, you can control how you respond. This is where resilience comes in because resilience is your ability to bounce back and not stay down.

Even Superman was not immune to being knocked-down! Christopher Reeve, who played Superman in the movies, suffered a major set-back and was significantly knocked down when he was riding a horse in preparation for a movie. When he was throw off the horse, he broke his spinal chord and became a quadriplegic. In falling head first and damaging experiencing a cervical spinal injury, he was paralyzed from the neck down. He could not even breathe on his own. In spite of that, he eventually bounced back, not by recovering from the injury, but rising above it in his spirit. Interviewed by Barbara Walters, she asked if he ever got depressed. “Yes, every morning before 8 am. But then it passes because I have a lot of things to do.” Those “lots of things” included his daily exercises for recovery, playing in movies and TV shows (Smallville), starting his foundation (Christopher Reeve Foundation), he narrated an HBO film, Without Pity: A Film About Abilities. In his spirit and attitude he bounced back and lived a full live in spite of severe physical disabilities and challenges.

Now to bounce back after a set-back requires that you have qualities within you that generates an inward bounce— bounce-qualities. Do you have such qualities within yourself? What are they? What puts bounce in your soul? These questions direct you inward so that you can win the inner game of resilience. Once you win that game, then translating the bounce outward into your behaviors, relationships, language, etc. enable you to win the outer game of resilience.

My first attempt at writing about resilience was in the May/June 1992 edition of Metamorphosis (Volume XII). That was two years prior to discovering Meta-States. So at that time I did not have the meta distinction— that resilience itself is a meta-state, so I wasn’t able to identify the higher level frames that govern resilience. They were present in my list, but I didn’t know it at the time. All I could do was make a list of the factors that create a sense of bounce. And that’s what I did. I simply listed the recuperative powers in one’s mind, emotions, speech, behavior, relationships that would put bounce into a person. Under the category of Components of Resilience I listed and described the following: Centeredness: Centered in yourself, your values, and congruency. Good Boundaries: The capacity to know yourself and to be kindly tough. Sensory Awareness: Good uptime skills so that you are in contact with reality, and not lost in a hypnotic state. Living in the present: In the here-and-now of today and not lost in the past. Flexibility: The more you can adapt, cope, and master your environment. You can go with the flow when circumstances change. Dream power: The ability to keep your dream alive and re-establish a new dream if a current dream has been knocked-out. Meaningfulness. Uses your meaning-making powers and creates passionate reasons for moving forward. You have something meaningful to live for. Empowerment. Accesses your powers and believes in your empowerment. This eliminates victimization thinking and talking, it over-comes learned helplessness. Self-Discipline. Take control of your actions to act consistently, regularly, and methodically to do what needs to be done. Learning from failures. Learn what went wrong, gets detailed feedback, learns from the experience, and tries again. Social support. Stay in community, stay connected to friends, and continues to nurture core relationships with social skills. Acceptance: Accepts life, self, limitations, etc. Forgiveness: Releases old hurts and disappoints by forgiving others. Conflict management skills: Manages conflicts with people so that you can find good resolutions to differences. Humor: Able to laugh at oneself and one’s humanity, to see the lighter side of things. Care: compassion, empathy, love. Kindness: consideration.

So what do you need to put bounce inside you? Obviously, resilience has a great many variables. That was my first discovery—a discovery that came from both reading about resilient people and interviewing 40 individuals. Even without knowing the order or the level of these variables, you can begin adding the bounce-qualities that will build up the overall since of resilience. Which would you be your first choice? And second? To your resilience!