THE MYSTERY OF OVER-THINKING

There is a lot of talk these days about over-thinking. The problem is that there are numerous different meanings given to this term. Whenever someone starts with this as their problem, I always follow up by ask, “What are you referring to when you use this term? In what way are you over-thinking? And what are you over-thinking?”

One thing called over-thinking which is actually not over-thinking is actually real thinking. That is defined as “working an idea over in your mind to achieve an outcome.” Now sometimes, you have to keep working an idea over in your mind until you get it. Quit too soon because you have not come to an understanding is not a solution. Sometimes problem solving and/or creativity requires that you live with the uncertainty and/or ambiguity.

Other than that, there are several kinds of thinking patterns which we call over-thinking. Given that, how can we respond to these different kinds of over-thinking effectively?

First, obsessive thinking. This often occurs in childhood when a small child becomes obsessive about one or more things which captures her attention. One child might want to have the same story read to him every single night. Another child might become obsessed by ants or bugs or birds, or some other animal. Such obsessions are usually part of the learning process, and once well learned, the obsession vanishes and the child moves on. This is perfectly normal.

But some people never move on. And why not? Usually because there’s a strong irrational fear which is driving the obsession. Consequently, this leads to obsessive–compulsive disorders and the range of obsessions are as wide as human interests. What kind of fears are we talking about? A person could be obsessed with fears, dangers, what others think about them, being right, being safe, etc. This kind of obsessing is sometimes called over-thinking—going over and over a thought and never finishing it, never getting closure on it. Here a person may go in circles so that he thinks the same thing over and over.

Second, re-thinking. A person thinks in a haphazard manner and because of that, never gets to closure. So he comes back to re-think the subject again and again. He continually attempts to bring closure on a position or decision, but never completes it. Consequently, she never really gets clear about her thoughts and so feels the need to keep re-processing things. If you use the same references over and over again trying to come to a different conclusion, you will never bring the thinking to an end. To break out of that kind of looping requires using different references, resources, and perspectives. First acknowledge that if you keep thinking about something in the same way, you will get the same result. Accept and search for a different way of thinking about it.

Third, intensional orientation. This kind of intension is not to be confused with intention. Here

I’m referring to intensional with a s, not with a t. The difference? Intention refers to what you are thinking about doing. Intension refers to your internal thinking which defines things in terms of other words and definitions. The contrast is with extensional thinking by which you get out of your head and extend things out into the real world. Intensional thinking keeps you going round and round a self-invented definition in your head which is unrelated to the outside. This becomes especially vicious if one intensional level is embedded inside of another intensional level. As you try to figure out the meaning of one level, you loop into the other level. Round and round you go. While you think you are simply trying to figure something out, you are looping between meta-levels. Solution? Do an extensional check. Get out of your head and ask for sensory specific details that you can see, hear, and feel.

Fourth, double-bind looping. You get caught into a loop that goes round and round because a higher frame (a belief, decision, prohibition, etc.) keeps you from stepping back to see the bind (the statement that binds).

First bind or command: “Try not to make a mistake.” The second bind: “Don’t be aware of making a mistake.” The third bind: “Don’t be aware of the second bind.”

Now if you could “go meta” to all of this thinking and experiencing, you could recognize that you are doomed to stay in the experience of making a mistake. As a fallible human being, you will make mistakes. But if you do and you are forbidden to be aware of it, you will spin around in that experience. As such it becomes an experience with no exit. If only you could see that you have been forbidden to go meta, that awareness would expose the double-bind nature of these injunctions and you’d would be free.

Be careful with this over-used term. When you hear it, ask for a clarity check so that the person describes when and where it occurs and how they have decided it is over-thinking. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is not. Wherever there’s loose language, clear and precise thinking becomes difficult and yet, at the same time, all that more important.