Unbullyable: Bullying Solutions for Parents and Children — Book Review

The new book, Unbullyable (2013) by Sue Anderson is truly “a new sensational approach” to an old problem.  Why?   Why is it new and why is it sensational as an approach for enabling children to handle the experience of bullying and parents to understand and help their children?

It is new because this is the very first book that uses the foundational models and patterns of NLP for addressing this subject.  So true to the NLP Communication Model, Sue Anderson first of all works out a detailed definition of the “bullying” experience so that it is precise and specific.  An example is the change of terminology from “victim” to target.”  After all, “Targets can move.  Targets can be missed.”  (p. 15).  She then focuses on the “beliefs” that comprise the situation (chapters 2 and 3).

“One of the great things about your beliefs is that they are yours to change any time you choose.” (p. 55)

It is sensational in that Sue here invites us to see a child’s power in the bullying experience, a facet that has been ignored up until now (p. 24).  She explicitly asserts this: “Your child is not powerless, helpless, or hopeless.” (p. 15).  She then enables both parents and children to experience this.  What’s sensational is that by recognizing this, you enable a person to discover the areas of control that the victim actually has.  And those areas of control puts control into that person’s hands— control over what he or she can do.  It stops the traumatizing process of defining oneself as a helpless victim.  Then children will not be an “easy victim.”   And, of course, this leads to the new sensational experience of beingunbullyable (29).

This is a thoroughly Neuro-Semantic book.  It is filled with many Neuro-Semantic patterns and it operates from a very strong Neuro-Semantic perspective about the critical importance of meaning.  Sue has taken many of the most fundamental Neuro-Semantic patterns and customized their application to the experience of being bullied.

The Meta-Yes Belief Change Pattern (chapter 3)

Meta-Stating Self-Esteem /Self-Confidence (chapter 6)

Meta-Stating Ownership of One’s Powers (chapter 7)

Meta-Stating an Unbullyable State (chapter 8)

Meta-Stating Troubling Emotions (chapter 9)

Meta-Stating your Unbullyable Mental Movie (chapter 10)

Meta-Stating the Thinking Patterns (cognitive distortions) (chapter 11)

As a Licensed Meta-Coach, Sue Anderson has been working with children, parents, and teachers as a Coach and so writes from a wealth of experience.   And as a Coach, she devotes a full chapter in describing how to have life-changing Conversations with a child about bullying (chapter 5).  She models out the distinctions in the experience in the first chapter to clearly define what “bullying” is.  This highlights the role of meaning:

“If your child believes he can be bullied, he is bullyable…  The point here is that success or failure of the bullying attempt is ultimately determined by the meaning your child gives it.” (p. 23)

From her modeling of the experience of “bullying,” Sue Anderson adds three critical pieces and uses those pieces to empower anyone in that experience.

“Can you see how your child’s thoughts about power, beliefs, and states make up half of the bullying experience?  In other words, instead of having no control over the bullying experience, your child has influence over three of the six components.” (p. 26)

The subject of bullying has never been modeled out with the detail that Sue brings to it (pp. 28-29).  Yet even more important than that, the inspiration she brings through many, many stories of people who have changed their thoughts, beliefs, and meanings about bullying and thereby changed their experience.

“The effectiveness of the bullying experience is determined by the meaning your child gives the behavior.” (p. 27)

This is a book about not just dealing with the hurtful behaviors of being bullied.  It is about so much more than just coping with it— it is a book about becoming unbullyable.  And that is both new and sensational!

If you are a parent or a teacher who deals with children that are bullied— you absolutely have to have this book.  It will put into your hands very practical and very effective processes for turning things around.  I highly recommend this book by Sue Anderson.

How can you get a copy?

1. Go to Sue Anderson’s  website www.unbullyable.com.au  and you can buy the physical book!

2.  Go to Amazon.com and you can get it as ebook.

             http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=unbullyable