UNLEASHING YOUR REAL SELF

“To be natural and spontaneous, to know what one is, and what one really wants, is a rear and high culmination that comes infrequently, and that usually takes long years of courage and hard work.” (Maslow, Motivation and Personality, 1970, p. 273)

“First and foremost find out what it is you’re about, and be that. Be what you are and don’t lose it. ... It’s very hard to be who we are, because it doesn’t seem to be what anyone wants.” Norman Lear

“No one can tach you how to become yourself, to take charge, to express yourself, except you.” Warren Bennis On Becoming a Leader (p. 51)

I began an indepth study of the pioneering work of Abraham Maslow in 2004 after re-reading Toward a Psychology of Being thinking that I would quickly access his model for self- actualization. When I couldn’t find that model, I then set out to read everything by Maslow and Rogers, which I did. That lead to several Neuro-Semantic models that now governs the Meta- Coaching model as well as the Self-Actualization Trainings:

• The Meaning— Performance Axes

• The Self-Actualization Quadrants

• The Volcano of Needs (Matrix Embedded Pyramid)

And with these, they led also to the four Self-Actualization Workshops (along with the books):

• Unleashing Vitality

• Unleashing Potentials

• Unleashing Creative Solutions

• Unleashing Leadership

The first workshop (Unleashing Potentials) details how the unleashing process work and after presenting it some 20 times, many people commented that the whole self-actualizing process of being unleashed from constraints and being unleashed to felt like a lot of work—a lot of effort. Some even complained that they just did not have the energy or motivation to do all of that. So that feedback then led me to an exploration of what was needed and what was missing. And the answer was energy and vitality.

When several told me that they didn’t have sufficient “motivation” to put in the effort for the self-actualizing life, I began designing a training to address that need. So in this year (2010), I designed the Unleashing Vitality workshop and presented it twice, in September I presented it in South Africa and in November I presented it in Italy.

Now with every Self-Actualization Workshop, my own appreciation for the original pioneering work of Maslow deepens. As an aside, that’s why I am constantly amazed and shocked that the people in Positive Psychology systematically ignore Maslow and act as if they invented “positive psychology” or were the first people to focus on human strengths! Yet the fact is, they are missing out so much by ignoring Maslow.

During 2010 two Neuro-Semantics Training Centers completed sponsoring all four workshops— Cheryl Lucas and Carey Jooste in Pretoria South Africa and Nicola Riva and Lucia Giovannini in Italy. So this year, I presented the Vitality workshop in Europe and Africa and in doing so, I learned a lot.

The Discovery Recently, I sat down with Nicola and Lucia and Mario Mason and talked through what really goes on in the vitality workshop. Doing so made me realize that I mis-named the training. That is, “Unleashing Vitality” under-states and actually mis-states what most participants actually experience and take away from the experience. So, if that is the case, then what does “unleashing vitality” actually do and achieve? What is the actual delivery in that training?

The answer is that the training is really about unleashing your real self. It is about identifying your authentic identity so that you discover your unique vision and mission as you step up to the meta-needs and begin creating a way to live the meta-life in your unique way. And, of course, do that and you’ll have all the vitality, energy, passion, and healthful zest that you want! Do that and you will never have a problem with “motivation” again.

So what shall we call this training? Right now, the new title is: Unleashing Your Real Self. This is one of the things that Maslow said repeatedly, “You have a real self, an inward real nature. And if you learn to listen to your inner voice, hear the meta-needs clamoring to be expressed, gratify your foundational needs, then you can identify, develop, and release your authentic self.” The problem is that the voices of society and of others may drown out your inner voice and you not discover how to be you— your best self. And the problem with that? You’ll be false, not able to be true to yourself, not know yourself, live behind a false persona, be incongruent, and therefore not aligned with your inner energies.

Unleashing Your Real Self is therefore about human nature— the bright side of human nature, and human identity and how to become fully real, authentic, congruent, and to find your true place in life. Do that and zestful, healthful vitality will naturally and inevitably result!

Maslow on “the Search for Identity” What did Maslow write about this search to find your real self and to unleash your inner nature? Here are a few quotes: “In the intrapsychic realm, the first great task is to search for one’s identity. Each person must find his or her true, active self, and after that task is accomplished, then life’s real problems lie ahead. Clearly, this task is related to finding one’s vocation, or calling, or biological destiny. That is, what is the mission that one chooses to love and sacrifice to?”

(Maslow’s Business Reader, p. 145)

“Most people lack a strong sense of self. They do not know what want or what they are looking for in life. As a result, they are extremely suggestible and will follow a self- confident leader rather than determine their own destinies.” (143)

“The persons who have achieved their identity are causers rather than caused.” (146) “The difference between the diminished individual, wistfully yearning toward full humanness but never quite daring to make it, verses the unleashed individual, growing well toward her destiny, is simply the difference between fear and courage.” (317)

“If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life. You will be evading your own capacities, your own possibilities.”

“Even if all these needs are satisfied, we may still often expect that a new discontent and restlessness will soon develop, unless the individual is doing what he, individually, is fitted for. A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write. What a man can be, he must be. He must be true to his own nature. This need we call self- actualization.” (Motivation and Personality, 1954/ 1970, p. 46)

The 3 Day Training — Unleashing Your Real Self Now that I’m a little more clear about the training, the theme of the days of the training provide more clarity as to what you will experience and get out of the training.

Day 1: Fulfill your Needs-Driven Nature You are an embodied creature. That means that you have basic neurological and physical needs as does every a higher intelligence animal. You have needs for survival, safety, social connection, and self-value. But without instincts you have to find out what these drives are and how to gratify them effectively. This is required for well-being, happiness, and vitality. You are a social being and a semantic being and you do not innately know what these needs are or how to satisfy them. You are instinct-less! That’s why and how they can go astray and become distorted, even neurotic. And when you have gratified all of the lower, foundational needs, you are just a good healthy animal— the unique human needs come after that. Step one: know your Foundational Nature and accurately gratify your needs so that you can move on up to your highest needs!

Day 2: Seeking the Peak of Your Unique Identity and Meta-Needs You are also a meta-being! You are a being with a higher nature and higher drives. That’s why you cannot be fully human, fully alive with vitality by only living for the lower needs. You have to discover, identify, and unleash your higher, meta-needs. As a semantic class of life, you make not only make meaning, you must make meaning that is highly significant and inspirational. If you don’t, you will suffer! You will deny your full humanity. Conversely, do that and you create your own unique identity that fits for your nature which will then give you a high level of aliveness, humanness, and zestful vitality. Mis-use your higher meta-meaning-making powers and you will create a false and probably distorted sense of self.

Day 3: Peaking— Life as a Self-Actualizing Person Seeking the peak is just the beginning. That’s because seeking alone does not guarantee that you will stay there. So living at the peak requires that you develop some “peaking” skills so that you can turn on peak experiences at will, so that you can begin to identify with and incorporate the being-values into your personality, and so that you develop a rich self-actualizing perspective with “the four eyes” — the innocent eye, the integrative eye, the sacred eye, and the transformative eye. Do that and your whole perspective about yourself, others, the world, life, your work, etc. changes. It transforms so that you see things as they can be and live to make that happen!

Are you ready for the adventure of a life-time? The adventure of being a human being, a meaning-making human being? If the idea of becoming fully alive/ fully human with zestful vitality excites you— then meet us at the Unleashing Your Real Self training.