UPGRADING TIME-LINES TO META-STATES

I told someone this past week that I very seldom use the old NLP time-line patterns and they said they were seriously surprised. “Why not? You wrote a book on time-lines!” And true enough, Bob Bodenhamer and I did wrote a book on Time-Lines. In fact, Time-Lining: Adventures in Time is the only NLP book that is exclusively devoted to time-lines. Even the original book in the field of NLP on time, Time-Line Therapy by Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall, was not exclusively about time-lines. Half of that book was devoted to Meta-Programs.

So why don’t I use time-line patterns very often? Primarily because I don’t need to. Nor does Bob. When you know the Meta-States Model and what you can do with it—you don’t need to go through all the trouble of accessing a person’s representations of time, get them to visualize a time-line, ask them to float above it, or use the hypnotic or semi-hypnotic processes of time- lining. Instead, you can use a few meta-questions, discover the person’s frame (or matrix of frames) and then meta-state them directly or indirectly, explicitly or covertly to set frames that change the experience. That’s when my questioner asked, “Well, how would you meta-state someone who had something very negative happen to them in the past?”

I usually just set some frames conversationally that gives the person new resources. It’s much simplier. Do you have a specific instance in mind? I asked. The person did. “Okay, you be that person and I’ll respond to you.” He was game for an exchange.

“So you’ve gone through something pretty negative in the past and somehow it is still influencing you?” [“Yes.’] “What are you experiencing today?”

“I am afraid of rejection. I hold back and don’t ask for things. I don’t do anything that might bring on criticism. In fact, I’m real sensitive to criticism.”

To ground the experience in today’s reality, I asked some grounding questions. “Are you afraid of rejection this very minute ... with me? [“No, I feel comfortable with you.”] So when do you feel the fear and with whom?” [Current versus past frame] “When I think about a girl, you know, a woman.”

“Yes they are very scary creatures. I often hear the suspenseful music of a horror movie, you know—a dark, rainy night, and I have the sense of being in a cementary late a night when warewolves and aliens are out. Sometimes I hear the Jaws’ music. But that’s me, what do you find so fearful about females?” [Humor frame] “[Smiling] Well, when I think about talking to one, or asking them out, I get nervous and

I start sweating, and then I know that I’ll stumble over my words and remember how my dad used to make me feel so small and inadequate and would laugh at me.”

“So how old do you feel as you say that? Are there any movies flickering on in your mind as you are speaking?” [Self-creation frame] “Yes, of my dad and then of some times when I got nervous around women. ... I think I am feeling about 6, and then like 13 or so.”

“Okay, so you know how to scare yourself and get your body all worked up in fear. Good for you! How skilled are you in doing this? ... Are you a master as scaring yourself?” [Experience accessing as a skill frame] “Hmmmm. Well I am pretty good at it.” [Smiling]

“So do you like this? [No.] Well, have you had enough of this? Maybe you need to do this for another five years? [No, I’ve had enough.] But are you sure? [Decision and personal choice frame] Maybe you need this to protect yourself from scary women and all the terrible things they can do to you! Sure it starts with holding hands and kissing, but then it could work up to touching and love making. Horror of horrors!” [Humor frame] “[Laughing] Yes that would be terrible. ... Yes I’m ready.”

“Are you ready to face those fears and stop taking counseling of your fears as if experiencing that emotion is the worst thing in the world? Are you ready to just accept the fear, welcome it in, examine it and notice if you need to listen to it or not?” [Acceptance and Exploration-with- curiosity frames] “You mean just accept it?”

“Sure. What else do you now just accept as something to put up with that once upon a time you might have fought and worked yourself up about? Maybe like just accepting the traffic?” [Accessing acceptance frame] “Yeah, I used to get really angry and frustrated when there was a lot of traffic and now I just listen to some music and tell myself, ‘There’s nothing you can do about it anyway, just relax and don’t work yourself up.’”

“And you just accept it...? [Yeah.] And as you recall that right now, are you feeling the sense of acceptance ... and notice your breath ... of acceptance and muscle tension ... [Yeah.] Okay, so as you are with that feeling ... feel it while you think about your fear of females ... okay, and just notice what happens.” [Application of acceptance frame] “Well, nothing. I just feel concerned.”

“And how much fear is there now? From 0 to 10 where are you? [A 3.] So with a 3 can you now face the fear and take the actions you need to take to say hello and have a calm conversation anyway?” [Gauging intensity of an emotion frame; saying Hello frame] “Yeah.”

“What other resource do you need? I feel very generous today, so if you’d like playfulness, curiosity, respect, appreciation, confidence, courage, or boldness, I’m willing to let you apply any of these to your fear-of-speaking-to-females state as well.” [Resource or humor frames] “Actually I think just accepting the fear is enough.”

“What about your dad? What about feeling 6 or 13 years old? Will any of that stop you?”

“No.”

At that point we stopped the role play. He said he got it, “Frames are truly powerful, aren’t they for creating transformation?”