WHEN YOU’RE STUCK AT HOME Better or Bitter?

All sorts of things could be happening these days when the “world has shut down,” and you are stuck at home— good things and not-so good things. Among the good things— you have more time to catch up on your sleep and exercise. You have time to catch up on your reading. You have more time for quality time with family and friends. You have some time for reflection about life, career, family, etc.

Yet these good things could become not-so-good things if you don’t know how to achieve these activities. Without the skills to be able to be productive doing these things— the extra time may turn into insomnia, dosing during the day, fighting and fussing with loved ones, worry, anxiety, panic, and so on.

Those good things presuppose certain skills. For example, how to exercise at home if you don’t have your own personal gym. How to organize your day and operate from some sort of schedule. When your normal schedule is disrupted as it is for millions and perhaps billions of people—you have to be able to create your own schedule and follow it. That requires discipline. For many people, their days are determined by others and external influences, not by their own choice— so having “nothing to do,” becomes a big problem for them. They now need the skill and discipline of ordering their lives by their own choice. Without that, they can feel lost, bored, out-of-control, frustrated, angry, etc.

Skill is the first thing that you might have noticed that you need. And, of course, where there is skill there is background knowledge and understanding. You have to know how to do certain things, how to organize it, and how to decide to make it happen. If skill refers to your behaviors and actions— what you do, knowledge refers to your mental state of understanding and being able to “manage your mind” so it doesn’t run away in an undisciplined way and create all sorts of grief for you.

The solution begins with skill and knowledge, but it doesn’t end there. Behind skill and knowledge is a higher level of your mind— your ability to set values (to value), make decisions, and inspire yourself to do what needs to be done (motivation). Knowing what to do and having the competent ability to do it is the first thing. But will you? This highlights the knowing—doing gap. You know more than you do. If only you could get yourself to do what you know.

Here in Colorado we have been in a stay at home order for about five weeks. Long before the

official “Stay at Home” order came by the governor, everything closed down— Starbucks closed the reading room, the gym closed, all restaurants closed dinning rooms, even McDonalds closed. Essentially there was no where to go anyway!

I immediately set up my own reading room, bought a small coffee percolator and created my own “Starbucks.” So to keep with my schedule, I arise, do 300 crunches, cook breakfast, and then read for two hours in my “Starbucks” dinning room. After that comes checking emails and working on the computer writing articles. That takes me to about two in the afternoon— exercise time. I change into exercise outfit and head to the garage where I have a few weights and a place to work out. After that, there’s shower, more work at the computer, maybe more reading, and from time to time a trip to the grocery store. Then about every third-day we drive to some mountain trails and hike/run them. Eventually it is dinner time (six o’clock for us). The evening is for watching movies. Geraldine shares the schedule with me and does some coaching sessions either in the day or evening.

A schedule can keep you sane. By giving structure to your day, it allows you to do things that are meaningful, introduce enough variety to keep you alert and active, and at the end of the day enables you to feel that you have been productive. A schedule also stabilizes your mind as it gives you direction and focus.

Now if you don’t do these things — here is the nightmare that you can create for yourself. First because you “have nothing to do” and because what you want to do, you can’t— you start to feel frustrated and upset. That then gives you the time and situation to worry about all sorts of things that at that moment you can do nothing about. This is a great formula for misery, unhappiness, and irritation. As this builds, you feel more and more stress. Then with irritable stress, you are more likely to take it out on someone. That someone could be you— feeling more and more stress, you might turn it into headaches, backaches, stomach problems. That someone could be your loved ones, your kids, your friends. You could start to become “a pain in the ass” to them with all your complaints, accusations, irritations. If they respond in kind, you could now create fights and arguments.

Will your home life become better or bitter as you are stuck at home? Will it lead you to feel unresourceful— anxious and depressed, or stressed-out and suicidal? Will it lead to the kind of interpersonal stress that so many families experience during the holidays? Or will it lead you to become more resourceful— and use the experience creatively to build up new competencies?

What many are doing in the field of NLP and what we are also doing in Neuro-Semantics is providing some of the courses online. Additionally, many Meta-Coaches have shifted to do all of their coaching via skype, zoom, or another platform. And that could very well be the opportunity that you need to begin building up your ability to stay personally resourceful regardless of the circumstance while we’re waiting for the world to start up again.