WHY I LIKE TO CHALLENGE PEOPLE

If there’s one thing that I enjoy in training and coaching, it is challenging. During the past two weeks in Brazil while doing the Trainers’ Training, David Murphy brought that to my attention several times as we co-trained. It also became a point of laughter at times s someone announced that David was the nurturer and I the challenger. But, you may ask, “Why?” “Why do you like to challenge people?” Or you may ask, “Isn’t challenging people kind of mean or even sadistic?”

Of course, it all depends on how we define the term “challenge.” Recently on the Coaches egroup I distinguished five positive and different behaviors that go under the category of challenge. The primary one is —inviting someone to stretch, to step up their game, to take on a challenge so that he or she can do more, think more, feel more, be more and give more. Given this definition, here’s my reasons why I like challenging people.

First and foremost, I like challenging because so many people (maybe most people) play small. They sell themselves short in terms of their potentials, of what they could do, what they could be. Instead of stretching to the next level in what they could experience or achieve, they develop a habit of going for the path of least resistance. It is easier. Yet it is a dangerous default program. Instead of striving and struggling to get the best out of themselves, they drift along without much passion or vision or a sense of mission in life.

Consequently, since they do not cultivate their life-energy, they experience little real vitality. That makes them a prime candidate for seeking external stimulus in the form of entertainment, shows, theater, movies, sit-coms, etc. their life energy comes from outside rather than from inside. They give in to passively drifting in life rather than taking the initiative and being proactive in developing a vital vision that infuses them with energy from the inside-out.

As a result they are not “fully alive, fully human,” to use one of the terms for self-actualization. That’s why I like challenging people. I love to see people wake up to life and to love and to the liberation of vision. I love watching people shake off the blinders of passivity and take charge of their life and begin to be a force for good in the world. I delight in watching someone start to play a larger game— one with more energy and care and commitment.

Second, I love to see people access their “personal genius state.” That’s what we in Neuro- Semantics call the flow state, the state of being in the zone, the optimal state wherein a person is truly alive and energized from the inside out. This is the engagement state of intense laser-beam focus. A person in that state is on purpose— engaged with a strong focus and fully present in whatever he or she is doing. Watching a person in that state is like watching an Olympic athlete in action. The person is “all there,” fully present and not double-tracking.

And then, being totally engaged, the person is involved in an activity seeking to accomplish something that’s typically difficult and worthwhile. The challenge for them is to stretch to their next level and push their limits of capability. As a result, most people later reflect back and recognize that those are the best moments of life. Because I love to watch people in that state, I want to challenge them. I want to help them push through the barriers until they achieve that level of intensely focused consciousness.

Third, when people step up in these ways and stretch forward —they expand their capabilities, they become more competent, more skilled, and more creative. I like watching that! After all, it is creativity that changes the world. Is it any wonder then that I really, really enjoy doing the training on Creativity and Innovation?

Fourth, inviting challenge gives people an opportunity to experience the joy of winning over difficulties. There’s something that’s nearly magical about winning over difficulties. When we first face a difficult, it can seem overwhelming, impossible, and beyond us. Then we start learning, pushing, struggling, developing, and eventually, when we reach the end and overcome the difficulty— we get to the peak of the mountain, there’s a sense of having embraced a magnificent difficulty. This doesn’t occur with mediocre activities. It occurs when you set ambitious goals in your life and you seek a level of challenge just difficult enough to still be manageable. Then with that manageable difficulty you show what you are made of, you show your spirit.

You could have given up, you did not. It reminds me of the movie, “Cool Runnings,” in which Actor John Candy talks to a character by the name of Maurice, who is the commissioner regarding bob sledding team. Candy wants a team from Jamaca. And he will just not give up. He keeps asking and proposing. Finally the commissioner asks, “Do the words ‘give up’ mean anything to you?” Candy responds, “No! Not a thing.” May “giving up” mean not a thing to you!