META-QUESTIONING YOUR WAY TO THE HEART OF THINGS

In the last Morpheus I mentioned that as a change agent, you have to get to what has to change and you do that by asking meta-questions. That’s because what has to change is not at the primary level. It is also not one of the symptoms of change (e.g., behavior, emotions, or environment). Instead it is at a meta-level. Metaphorically it is above and behind the primary level and that identifies “the heart of the matter,” namely, the person’s meanings. And these meanings may show up as a belief, a decision, a permission, a memory, an identity, and so on. It shows up as some conclusion that the person has drawn and set as a frame in his mind.

This is where most coaches go wrong. This is why most coaches cannot effectively coach change. They hear that the person wants to change an emotion or a behavior — and they zoom in on that. But those are symptoms. Those are not the cause. To be an effective change agent and coach change, you have to get to the cause of the emotion and/or behavior.