TO COACH EFFECTIVELY, YOU HAVE TO MATCH AND LEAD

One of the key concepts from Milton H. Erickson was the idea of “pace, pace, pace, lead.” I don’t know anyone who stressed the importance of entering into your client’s world more than Erickson. He even went so far as to say that with each new client you have to invent a new theory of human nature. It was his way of saying, “Drop your assumptions about people, release the judgments that you have spent a lifetime developing, start with a beginner’s mind, meet your client with an attitude of know-nothing.” And when you lead, you are in the mode of persuading.

When you do that, then you can start “pacing,” that is, matching your client’s way of being, talking, interacting, thinking, feeling, etc. When you do this, you enter into your client’s mental and emotional space so that you can begin to understand that person on his or her terms. You meet them at their model of the world. All of this is designed to support the person so he feels safe, listen to the person so she feels heard.