WHY DOES NOT EXPLAIN HOW

If you or a client wants top know “Why am I this way?” or “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why did so-and-so do X?” be careful to not bark up the wrong tree. That’s because you are on the precipice of going in a very, very wrong direction. You are in danger of asking “the unuseful and even toxic why questions.” There is one very useful why question, namely, “Why is X important to you?” That is a question about your values and your intentions.

But when you, or a client, want to know the why of history, the why of source, the why of external cause, or the why of blame— you are heading into the dark woods of psychoanalysis and psycho- archeology. We have lost people who have done that.

“But I am simply doing a clarity conversation, that’s all.” Sorry, but no you are not. Clarity is about how something functions. You get clear about how you procrastinate, how you blame, how you confuse responsibility to and responsibility for, etc. You may need to get clear on your goal—what you truly want. Clarity comes from the how question, not the why question.