STOP HELPING, START FACILITATING

Here’s some Help for your Helping!

When coaches begin, many of them frequently use the word “help” when talking with their clients. Sometimes it seems that some of them use it dominantly to describe everything they do in the coaching relationship.

“How can I help you today?” (Wimpy opening) “What help do you need?” (Invitation for therapy) “Now for me to really help you, you need to ...” “Let me help you with that.”

But, there’s a problem with this. The problem with “help” is that it presupposes you are weak and I am strong. You are unresourceful and I have the resources that can help you. You are uninformed and perhaps even unintelligent, and I, the intelligent one can help you understand. In other words, the word help is not helpful at all in terms of creating a sense of mutual trust and collaboration in the coaching experience. Because we “help” those who cannot help themselves, think about the coaching conversation and relationship in terms of helping them creates an unequal relationship. And that undermines collaboration.